My Polar Vortex According to Breaking Bad

Call me crazy, but when I heard the entire universe was going to be in deep freeze, I got really excited!

credit:quickmeme.com

credit:quickmeme.com

After the snow has spent it’s 131,487th minute (google it!) on the ground, and you begin to forget what color the grass, the leaves, the sun, or any other color that isn’t blinding white, grey, or mud was, then some sort of change, ANY sort of change is a cause for a celebration.

Plus I figured since there’s no chance in hell I would shoo the kids out the door to go freeze play in -20 degree weather, we could make the most of our inevitable forced closeness. Hell, I wouldn’t even let the cat out there. I couldn’t imagine trying to explain to the kids why Sharpie is now a monumental cat-cicle forever frozen in mid stride, in our front yard. Then when spring came, there would be lots of ‘splaining to do when the great thaw happened to said cat-cicle and she was a heaping pile of fur on the grass.

Unless I sent her out with a rain coat… because cats love to wear rain coats… or something.

Heisencat credit: vulture.com

Heisencat
credit: vulture.com

The kids even got an extra day off of school after their TWO WEEK winter break. My son’s face was priceless when I told him about the bonus day off.

No Words, Mom. No Words.  credit: businessinsider.com

No Words, Mom. No Words.
credit: businessinsider.com

In our precious time together I figured we could go crazy. In a good way… we could have dance parties, for instance!

credit: hotspotatl.com

credit: hotspotatl.com

We could keep our education going beyond the classroom and bust out that Volcano and make-your-own rubber bouncy ball kit that’s been stepped on a few times since Christmas.

credit: memecenter.com

credit: memecenter.com

Orrr…. the kids could finally teach me how to play Minecraft. I have tried before and to be totally honest, I can not figure it out. At ALL. Not to mention it makes me dizzy as hell!

credit: Reddit user Obitual

credit: Reddit user Obitual

Day 1 of deep freeze. Win. We danced. we crafted. We volcanoed. We cooked. <—FOOD.

Day 2 and 3 of deep freeze. Not winning. If you think about it, it really isn’t just day two and three. It’s more like days 16-18 of the winter break. Where all the kids and more are home. With me. Because I stay home too. Most of the time.

Ever try to clean the house when the kids are running around? Ever try to do laundry or cook or use the bathroom, take a shower, watch tv, read a book? Those last two are jokes, by the way. What happens if I tried to sit down with a book and my kids were near? Their radar hones in to the signal that mommy is at rest and they immediately jump on my lap, need to eat right then, are dying of thirst or are SO BORED as they trample over all the gifts that are still in their packages. Apparently, inside the box means they do not exist.

Yeah so.. by this time:

credit:esquire.com

credit:esquire.com

I’m not a planner. I really want to strive for that though, especially so we can have better meals in the house. I’m usually the open the fridge and make something up at 6pm kinda dinner chef. That being said, I was so giddy for the break in our frost bitten routine that, for the first full day of school for the big one and the ONLY day of school for the little one, I put on my best Rambo face and exclaimed to the kids:

let's cook breakfast

credit: planet1051.com

I’ve decided that the next time we have a snow day or a land glacier warning or that hell freezes over–

Hell Froze Over

There is a hell. And it is in Michigan.
credit: humor.beecy.ne

I already have a plan. The entire family can even get in on the action. How fun!

credit: slapcaption.com

credit: slapcaption.com

Just kidding. Maybe we’ll make muffins or something instead. I love my family and honestly miss them when they’re away from me or in school. I always get this urge to text my 6 year old but he doesn’t have a phone, nor would I let him have one in school. He’s only 6!

According to Walter White, 99.1% pure is a good thing. As is my love for my family.  Except mine is 100% pure. I’d be making purple crystals instead of blue. Heisenberg would be jealous!

Credit: viralnova.com

Credit: viralnova.com

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